Saturday, 10 September 2016

Power to the People

Don't dare mess with this blog because we are powerful people who can shift the will of the people. That's right, this blog is now an opinion former, a mover and a shaker.  The future of the UK's strategy in the Brexit negotiations is in our hands.  How do I know that?  Well, tonight I clicked about 100 times in an online poll in a broadsheet newspaper and totally changed the outcome.  Listen up David Davis MP because the public have spoken.  You can find the poll here if you wish to be influential as I am.

Should Britain and Switzerland work together to negotiate a good trade deal?  Maybe you think they should negotiate a bad trade deal with the EU.  Bloody heck, the level of care taken to conduct this poll is an affront to human dignity.  Was this written by one of those "journalists".  You know what, I don't really give a monkeys one way or the other. I do, however, have a lot of spare time on my hands on my time tonight and I intend to use it for mischief. The poll started at 66% for Yes at around 11pm but with less than 300 votes.   Can I turn this around?  Let's find out.  I took a screenshot of the votes cast before I started my mind control exercise but because I am an idiot I either put it in some forgotten corner of my hard drive or wrote over the image at a later time.  Anyway, using the power of maths I worked out I only had to click around 100 times on No to break Peter Snow's swingometer and send him into a state of statistical apoplexy.  All I had to do was flush out the browser cache each time so that I could vote again and again and again and again and again and again. 

I'm not different or awkward. I'm special.
 Coo, I think outside the box.  But this intellectual frenzy really needs some motivation. Time for some music by a popular beat combo to get a bit of a rhythm going.
Bloody love a bit of The Human League. 
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.  Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.  "Ten thousand watts of power,News headlines on the hour tonight".  Sorry, I was singing along with some pop music there by my one of my favourite bands of all time. 

All this moving opinion is thirsty work so I'm ready for a libation. It is Friday night, after all.
12 year old Arran malt.  Yum. Home measures, too.
How are we doing.  Phew, getting close.
About 30 minutes into this now and I'm starting to regret it.  Other people are voting against me, meaning I have to vote more than my estimate of 100 times.  Anyway, one last push and we're over the hump.

Hurray, this is decisive.   The people have spoken.  Brexit means Brexit.  The will of the people must be recognised etc etc etc. If Johann Schneider-Ammann so much as enters the same room as David Davis I want the editor of The Independent to come down on it like a ton of bricks.

Newspapers are really, really shit these days, aren't they? 

Over and out,

Terry

PS Arse potatoes, I'm losing again.  Wanna join in?  Maybe we'd be battling against Putin's online army of btl commenters. 



5 comments:

  1. Munguin has done his bit, but without the benefits of your libation, I might say.

    But I fear Mr Werrity's wee finger must be doing very serious tapping as we speak.

    Terry (and Munguin) v Adam

    Oh well, I doubt Switzerland will want to do very much with Britannia. Ecoutez, mes amis suisses. Whenever Britannia does anything, it always has to be in charge. It always has to have its own way. About everything.

    (Except if it's USA which lets it play at being important; China, which has a lot of money, or Saudi, the rulers of which seem to be friends with the Saxe Coberg Gothas.)

    Spare a thought for Mr Werrity though. If he doesn't keep tapping all night he won't get to sit in on the next confidential meeting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The tapping and page reloading process could easily be automated. If there had been more vote cast that would have been necessary to undermine The Independent's sad attempt at democracy, erm, sad attempt to drive page hits from Facebook. This is "journalism" in 2016.

      Switzerland and UK have very different positions with the EU. It makes sense to talk but working together as a bloc doesn't sound like the correct approach for either party. Wouldn't that be giving up control, anyway?

      If he is up all night tapping away he needs to invest in a quality keyboard. A British keyboard, obviously.

      Delete
    2. A British keyboard it is.

      Made in China though, like everything else here (probably including Munguin).

      Delete
  2. Don't know about you but I'd be lost without my Union Jack keyboard:


    https://www.amazon.com/Customized-Creative-Personalized-Removable-Keyboard/dp/B012N460R2%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q%26tag%3Dduckduckgo-ffsb-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB012N460R2

    ReplyDelete
  3. Now you will have to take over my blog for a few days, while I recover from seeing that. I've been ordered to lie in a darkened room.

    ReplyDelete

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